Our Grand Tour
Last night, Jamie and I returned from our “Grand Tour.” For the first time in months, I had no appetite. And let’s not think about the phrase, “Grand Tour” in the conventional sense, my dears. This was no fabulous European adventure filled with fine wine, Caravaggios and Italian beauties astride Vespas– I’m talking about my and Jamie’s spin around the maternity ward at NYU Hospital.
The eager, bright faces of the expectant mothers were, well, eager and bright because they weren’t due until, oh, September. (I asked.) As our well-versed though somewhat unsympathetic tour guide glided backward on the shiny linoleum floors, she kept repeating, “There will be so much blood. There will be SO MUCH BLOOD. You should consider sleeping in the hospital-provided nighties so you won’t have to throw away your blood-stained pj’s.” I loathe the expression “pj’s.”
She reminded me that in exactly one month’s time, I face the imminent challenge of foisting my leg in stirrups, pushing out 8 pounds of baby, forgetting about sleep as I know it (“You and your coach will feed the baby every two hours…”) and feasting on cafeteria-style chipped beef and jello.
And, wait, wait, wait–back up. Who’s my “coach?”
If the nausea hadn’t been overwhelming, I would have started humming John Fogerty.
“Oh, put me in, Coach–I’m ready to play today;
Look at me, I can be Centerfield!”
Turns out “coach” is my husband. And actually, he won’t be by my (aching) side at 3am. You see, I’ll be stuck in a “semi-private” post delivery room–where “coaches are banned”– for a minimum of 2 nights. NYU has only 4 private post-delivery rooms–where “coaches are allowed”– and they’re first come, first serve.
And if you are that lucky gal who snags the private chamber? That’ll cost you an additional $525 a night. Our guide made it very clear that this sum was out-of-pocket–“no insurance company known to man covers this surcharge.”
“Let’s just go to the Ritz,” one man muttered to his wife.
Even the bright, eager moms deflated.
After our guide gave us one final demonstration on how to give birth in the squatting position while holding onto a horizontally-positioned bar (“It looks like a roller coaster ride!” Jamie beamed) it was time to hop into a cab and cruise west, homeward bound.
Girls, check your patches, rings and pills. And next time you think having a baby is like purchasing that puppy in the window, take a Grand Tour–at NYU.
March 26th, 2009 at 7:33 am
Ahh, such an exciting time. Four kids here, what lots of blood was the nurse talking about?? Crazy talk. You will be a great mom b/c have you failed totally at anything yet? Good luck!!
March 26th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
No daddy allowed on post-partum? What absurdity is that? Not even a cot, or pull out chair?
March 30th, 2009 at 8:28 am
The daddy-ban is brutal, I’ve never heard of such a thing. Don’t know what she’s talking about with the blood. I pushed for 2.5 hours and don’t recall seeing any blood until I had a “spontaneously planned” c-section (sound better than “emergency”). And even then, the only blood I saw was the usual stuff you expect to see on your new, beautiful baby. That tour guide sounds like an a**.
April 1st, 2009 at 8:06 am
oh– if she’s talking about “recovery blood”… just take a cute pajama top and nursing tank (if needed), and forget about wearing pajama bottoms under the covers. The hospital provides you with these lovely, disposable mesh “granny panties” for recovery purposes… at least mine did.
April 1st, 2009 at 6:40 pm
I have a feeling you will be so smitten with Parker Lee that any blood or discomfort will seem like a distant memory.
Even though C stayed in the room with us, he passed out in the chair (*he* was tired hmmmm….) and R and I spent that first night getting to know one another. I still can remember him looking at me with his big, blue, Parkhurst eyes…I fell completely in love.
April 2nd, 2009 at 5:54 am
I think it’s probably best if I stop my “labor & delivery investigations.” Ignorance must be bliss when it comes to blood and delivering babies. I’m 3 1/2 weeks out and too worked up!
April 3rd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
You’ll do great! I am shocked that Jamie isn’t allowed to stay with you. I’ve never heard of that. You’ll be just fine! My labor lasted ten hours…I pushed for ten minutes…there wasn’t that much blood. I did stay in my hospital gown until company started arriving at the hospital. I would bring a comfortable lounge outfit and a nursing bra!
One of the best things that I use every day since having my little boy is this: http://www.itzbeen.com/
It helps keep track of everything!
April 14th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Totally unsolicited advice from a med student (and fellow Davidson grad, btw). Two friends of mine have given birth in NYC – one at Cornell and one at Mt. Sinai. There was no “Daddy ban.” Both were very happy with their experiences. Might want to consider or at least check it out – the cab ride isn’t THAT far!!!