Life Liberated
4am Saturday night and I am startled out of my sleep. I lie there, in wait, expecting to hear a crash of lightening, a burglar snap the cast-iron bars and burst through my window —something loud and definitive.
But, nothing more than a rustle of leaves…
The early rain was good for the air and the neighborhood. A strange, cool breeze prevails.
And then she begins. I hear the woman’s staccato cries of pleasure. They’re lusty and clear and ring out against the sides of the buildings that surround my garden. I’m repulsed… then intrigued. I push myself up in bed, resting on my forearms, not sure if I hope for her to continue or end.
Her lover wills her to carry on and my opinion is null and void—silent and distant and tucked beneath a silk coverlet and feather bed. The moans and screams continue.
“Will you two shut up? Do ya’ hear me? Shut up!” a man from a neighboring building yells through his screen, out into the Saturday night air. His angry voice and heart-rate are wasted.
The couple keeps the pace. Nothing is done out of spite—the sincerity of her moans tell me this—for they’re in a separate world of naked skin, closed eyes, darkened rooms. Somehow, I’m happy for them—the twilight noise nothing more than another eccentric quality of my SoHo.
This is who I’ve become. Slowly, slowly New York has made me more accepting, indulgent, laissez-fair to the whims and qualities of strangers. The South (the South where I was raised, anyway) lacked tolerance. As I grew older and moved away from the pack (and the debutante, cotillion and mardi gras dances), the judgements hightened. Coffee and tea hour after the Sunday service was a catfight of gossip, rumors and jealousy.
To this, I say, keep your sanctimony and burned coffee. I’m doing just fine with a dirty martini and a taste of the liberated life.
May 23rd, 2006 at 11:47 am
Oh my goodness, Belle! What on Earth would your Cotillion sponsor think! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
As a former deb, I salute your freedom; however, us Southerners are at a loss as to why you had to travel so far north to find it.
May 23rd, 2006 at 1:27 pm
It’s interesting. While life in NYC may make one more open to the whims of strangers, I still feel as though everyone still prefers to be a stranger. A life of anonymity and acceptance, perhaps? You give up the first, and there goes the other.
May 23rd, 2006 at 5:32 pm
Ain’t it a beaut?
May 23rd, 2006 at 8:45 pm
Beautifully written descriptions.. could totally picture your abrubt awakening, almost hearing your vocal neighbors and feel that sense of freedom you’ve found. I think we all get that feeling when we’ve found a place that we really can define as our own - especially when it’s away from where we’ve grown up.
May 24th, 2006 at 7:01 am
If you’ve managed to escape intolerance, catfights and jealousy you’re lucky indeed.
I’ve found its everywhere. New York, London, Paris. Go to Africa and it will knock you off your feet. It’s just harder to spot in the cities. It wears a different face there.
I know what you mean about small towns though. But I think its more this…’the size’ .. rather than the location.
May 24th, 2006 at 7:21 pm
Is jealousy, catfights and intolerance found only in Christian circles?
When the entire townships rushed into the country side to meet with Jesus, Scripture says, “He looked at the crowds, had compassion on them and healed them all.”
I believe every derelict, pervert and self-righteous snob was in the crowd. He looked at them, saw the wounding they were formed by, did not judge them, but healed their broken hearts.
Now, if His Church would just truly follow HIM! So,the question is, will I follow Him? Will I love without judgement of either the sinner or the saint?
And, hey, wonderful your moaning neighbors found love and joy!
May 24th, 2006 at 10:49 pm
did you move into my apt?
May 27th, 2006 at 12:58 pm
Love reading your thoughts…As a transplanted Yankee living below the Mason Dixon Line, I’ve fallen into that way of life. Small town gossip with all the properness they can muster.
June 1st, 2006 at 1:25 pm
What a great post! I love reading your blog. Your descriptions seem so effortless, uh oh- is that jealousy coming from me? No, mearly admiration!
June 21st, 2006 at 3:12 pm
Great post: really catured the mood…