Saturday Night and I Ain’t Got Nobody
Getting ready, always hopeful…
Peeling off my dress, I leave another Saturday night behind. The first warm spell just passed through the city so I was able to invite friends over for cocktails on the terrace, wear a little bit less, walk around the neighborhood a bit more. But, still…
New York nights are funny. If something extraordinary doesn’t occur, you wonder if it was all worth it. These nights don’t just happen, you see. They’re carefully constructed and fretted upon and hopes fly high. But this is okay. For a spell, I’m allowed to dream the impossible because the bizarre and the wonderful happen every second —it just depends on whether I’m good enough and smart enough to be at the right place at the right time. All those hours in front of the mirror trying to make myself look pretty (that vain interlude getting longer and longer by the year), drinking just enough wine to be social not senseless, listening to men talk about their important post in the Kerry campaign, “If he had won, I’d be his deputy director of…” The position changes, the men don’t. I’m looking for more…
New York is my Saturday Night and I’m tired of coming home alone. If I don’t get something out of this whole big city interlude, do I have to ask myself if it was all worth it? To borrow a line from Kurt Vonnegut’s commencement speech to MIT’s Class of 97,’ “Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.”
My navy blue dress pools around my ankles and all I want is a kiss good night. Mr. Vonnegut, what should I do?
March 13th, 2006 at 9:45 am
LOVE your post but you got the Vonnegut thing all wrong. He never gave that speech — it was a writer for the Chicago Tribune. See this link: http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/sunscreen.html
Keep up the great work — I’m living my 20s all over again vicariously through you. You make all us former Pensacolians proud — and make me wistful for both my time abroad in Italy and my adventures in DC when I was your age.
March 13th, 2006 at 9:56 am
hmmm… i researched it yesterday and found conflicting reports…
regardless of who the advice is from, it’s a great piece of writing to turn to again and again.
thanks, “apm” for your kind words.
March 13th, 2006 at 10:39 am
Wonderful post, as always. Your writing is so fluid and natural–just like that gorgeous Gotham teacher always said–for us to forever reach for that sense for the reader to exclaim “oh my gosh–how wonderful” –(sometimes he said shocking or surprising)– and then in the next moment “but of COURSE it’s that way”
The pooled dress, the sense of lightness turning slowly to emptiness and always the want for more…
March 13th, 2006 at 11:23 am
Great post … and an amazing picture to go with it. Thank you for posting.
March 13th, 2006 at 12:36 pm
you ain’t got nobody? What about Jamie?!
March 13th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
Belle:
I wonder if you truly know the depth of your gift. I suspect we all, including you, will spend years plumbing for a bottom (of talent) that will likely never come.
What a fabulous raconteur!
March 13th, 2006 at 9:59 pm
I remember that quote from Baz Lurhman. I keep it in the back of my mind.
March 14th, 2006 at 10:34 am
but where’s Jamie?
March 14th, 2006 at 1:33 pm
jamie is in alabama behind the stove and i’m up in the city on a computer… young love, apart…
March 14th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
Could Jamie be behind a stove in a posh New York eatery someday soon?
March 14th, 2006 at 6:32 pm
I feel your pain, my sweetie is in New Orleans and I’m in New York…
March 14th, 2006 at 11:51 pm
You’re gorgeous, Belle, and so is your writing. It’s fluid and poetic. You really build this world we want to and need to be apart of, seen through your eyes. For example, the longer post about the gentleman that worked with your grandfather - you paint the picture, build the world and give us the story, and we read and leave satisfied and yet, wanting more… stories, that is.
March 15th, 2006 at 12:27 am
When you wear new clothes, it makes you stand straighter and tall, and people do take notice. And really, whether you agree or not, dont we all want to be noticed? Dont we all want that someone special to take notice of us and make us smile for the rest of our lives? So I think, no matter what, no matter if nothing exciting ever happens to you in life, you should never stop dressing so nice (BTW, great pic…).
March 17th, 2006 at 4:23 am
Belle, your writing is sincere and refreshing. As a single girl living in Paris, I’m often looking for those nights and that magic that makes it all worth it. It always comes when you least expect it. Keep writing, and you are definitely a belle, lovely photo.
March 17th, 2006 at 7:30 pm
You just have to decide what you want in life. You make a decision and then you go with it. If you spend your life thinking well, if I would have left NY sooner then… or if I would have stayed longer then… Sometimes, you just have to make the choice and then keep looking forward. Good things could come if you leave, and good things could come if you stay, they will just be different but possibly equally good. Does that make any sense at all? I think it might somewhere in there. Good luck figuring it all out.
March 20th, 2006 at 8:06 pm
I understand.
Completely.