Comments on: SOMEONE, please

by: The Missus

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 20:41:00 +0000

I’m not a “fairy tale” and “soulmates” kinda gal. I’ve been married for two years to a wonderful fella. But before I said “I do,” I went through many emotions. Even though my fiance (now husband) has only ever been kind and thoughtful to me, in the back of my mind I have accepted that there may come a day where we cross paths with an issue we can not resolve. And should that happen, D-I-V-O-R-C-E is aboslutely a possibility. Do I think about that every day now that I’m married? No. Definitely not. Our good days are more frequent than our bad days. But I’ve always been a believer in myself. And I will always be myself. Even though I am happily married, I am not a “we.” And if one day I don’t have the husband, I know I will still have happy days, as well as bad days.

Bottom line… Know as much as you can about yourself before you get married. And realize that you or your partner may change who you are as you move through life together. And you may not be together for the rest of your life. Life is full of possibilities. Only you are in control of your happiness. Married or not.

by: Mindy

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 14:43:00 +0000

Hey. I’m not married or anything.. but I can share some long distance to normal advice.. my boyfriend and I had a long distance relationship (he’s european, i’m american) for 2 years, then I moved here this year to go to school (i’m in europe) and live with him (and his mom, who’s not around much). It hasn’t been easy going from seeing eachother twice a year to every day… we’ve had our fights. he’s had his doubts, i’ve had mine. sometimes he’s sooooooo annoying, and sometimes I’m sooooooo annoying too. and then I realize a little while later, that i love his annoying parts too. it hasn’t been an easy year for us… but i wouldn’t trade it, or being with him forever, for anything. Why? Because I love him, and all his faults (even the annoying ones), and I know he makes me a better person. I wouldn’t trade him for anybody, or anything. and though difficult at times, it’s wonderful to know that despite everything we’ve been able to stay together, talk things out, be happy, and love eachother. And I know that we have what it takes to face reality, together, no matter what. That’s what matters. Is this guy the one for you? Only you know. Follow your heart.

mindy

p.s. the don’t go to bed angry rule? I think that depends on the people. For me, I may go to bed “angry” (more annoyed than angry) but for me, I need my space to cool down, which happens over night. I think its okay to be angry when you sleep… just remember to talk it out in the morning… or agree to talk it out in the morning too… fights happen, the important thing is to know you love eachother and that you’ll work the fight out.

by: Over Dressed

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 01:13:00 +0000

It’s work, but it’s fun. Right after we got married ALL of our married friends warned us that the first year of marriage is really hard. We’re trying to figure out what they all meant. The only thing we can figure is that these friends of ours didn’t realize that marriage is work every day. We’re working at it, but we don’t consider it difficult and we don’t consider cutting and running. In fact, we decided to never even use the “d” word, joking or fighting, because there is no back door out. I mess up, and so does he, but we’re both trying to be good spouses and we’re getting better at it. But being a “wife” is very different than being a “girlfriend” or even a “fiancé”. People not realizing that is probably one of the reasons so many young marriages end in divorce. Everyday I strive to be a better wife, and he a better husband. Taking care of eachother is our number one job. It seems like most of the time that either of us yells is over either (1) something stupid that is irritating but not something that really makes us MAD, or (2) an issue where we feel that we are trying to help, look out for, or otherwise take good care of the other. That’s not really fighting or yelling to me, it’s love (albeit sometimes loud and angry-sounding!!)

by: themarina

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 20:47:00 +0000

I’m 26. My partner and I have been together 8 years and we are now engaged. There is never a day when I don’t miss him. We have little spats at least once a week but I can’t walk away upset. Things always get resolved up front so that there’s no feeling guilty or feeling badly throughout the day. Life is too short for that.

It’s not always easy. There are ups and downs but in the end, I can’t picture my life without him. I sometimes thought the same thing but at a certain point, you’ll know. Something in you changes and you just know that life will not be the same without him. Even if the times are not always great.

by: pastorschick

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 07:18:00 +0000

Belle,

“Only God knows how to love, kiddo. The rest of us are only good actors. Forget love, try good manners.”–Rebecca Wells in “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.”
I’ve used this quotation over and over again. It comes down to being nice. Difficult? Absolutely. It is made especially difficult when you share space with someone. Is it worth it? I wouldn’t trade being married to my husband for anything in the world.

by: Beth

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 05:09:00 +0000

Belle,

Short and sweet: You decide to get married and you decide to stay married. You don’t talk divorce or give each other easy outs. You realize that you are wildly imperfect and so is he. And it helps if you have Jesus at the center of the relationship because He can help fill you with the energy/love/commitment even when the feelings aren’t there. Otherwise it’s like two ticks with no dog. That said, nothing is better than the companionship and love.

And make sure he makes you laugh.

Best,
Beth

by: viconmodel

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 20:42:00 +0000

it does get really bad and petty. like you’ll fight over who’s gonna take out the trash. or who’s going to do the laundry. but 10 minutes later, you’ll forget what the fight was about while you cuddle together on your vintage-inspired yams-colored sofabed to watch Grey’s Anatomy.

by: Buffy

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 18:02:00 +0000

You’ll storm out and say ‘its over’ at least a dozen times during the first year of full-on… but you’ll turn around at the corner every time and come back for a cuddle.

You’ll think ‘I need my space’ at least once a month and really mean it; but you’ll be devastated and cry like a baby when he goes away on a two day business trip.

by: jennjr

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 16:48:00 +0000

I don’t know what I can say that hasn’t been said already. It’s between you and him. And how you look at the world.

Yes, the passion cools. It never really ends. But what comes to replace it is nothing short of amazing - it’s such a deep trust, a deeper love, a connection that I can’t quite explain.

Yeah, there’s days I just want to run away and never come back. He drives me THAT crazy. But I know if I did, I’d be back in an hour….

I can’t imagine my life without him in it.

He lets me be -me- as much as he lets me be part of -us- That’s important.

If I can give you any advice:
1) If you can help it at all, DON’T go to bed angry with each other. Even if it’s not resolved, make some peace. Agree to deal with it in the morning. Just don’t got to bed mad.
2) Separate milk. (I like skim, he likes 2%).

by: Kiki T

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 11:15:00 +0000

Belle,

What can I say Marriage is good and bad. Where can one start, I am 25 and been married for about a year and a half. With him for almost 9 years now.

It’s a pipe dream if you think it will be perfect. And sometimes you yourself can be your worst enemie, you want to let some arguments slide and then you can get angry over where the coffee cup was left and then you don’t even know why you argued in the first place.

I honestly feel like the sex is different, hey, my opinion. It feels safe. The arguments can be bigger though because well you know they aren’t going anywhere so you make the argument bigger because you just want them to get out of your face.

In-Laws are the DEVIL. And I mean this literally. There will never be a time when they are ok. You put your guard down, they seem decent and if so keep them far away for now. They get involved or are too close and you feel your relationship wither away.

But being married is like having a permanent best friend around all the time. The comfort zones come out and I mean treat him like one of the girls and you will be at ease with yourself since he is permanently in your space. But at night when you want to gab and gossip he knows who you are talking about and well since most men aren’t talkers, he’ll just listen.

So really as long as you are sure this is the one. And you should not second guess it for a moment and if you do get out now. It will be just right for YOU. And that is all that matters