All in a Name
I’m afraid to move from
New York City.
Three little words. They cite nothing more than geographical location (as opposed to the ever-important, “I love you”), and yet they invoke awe, envy, disgust, cynicism and wonderment like nothing else. NO ONE harbors neutral feelings about the Big Apple. I’m addicted to this knee-jerk reaction. It all began when I studied in Buenos Aires and then moved to Rome only to extend my exotic city tour to Palma de Mallorca and then to Sevilla. Automatic respect—“street cred,” if you’ll allow a white girl from the South to use such an expression—comes w. these legendary cities. I’m hooked.
There’s that. And, too, there are nights out on the town w. photography exhibitions and dinner of tempura-fried haricot verts and cabrales steak salad (last night) or champagne and Italian men at “Da Silvano” (2 nights ago) or dancing until dawn at “Cain” and “Marquee” (tonight). Everything I’ve cited is immediate gratification for the senses.
I taste it.
I drink it.
I watch their eyes widen when I say it.
“New York City.”
So, what would I do if I were in Birmingham, Alabama or Duluth, Georgia? Maybe I’d try a little harder because there wasn’t a name to sustain me. Perhaps I’d write more (and imbibe less) if I were further removed from the sins of Dante’s seven circles of hell. Or, maybe I’d just be bored.
I’m biting my lip. I just looked away from the screen. I can’t believe that I’m considering a life elsewhere.
November 11th, 2005 at 3:26 pm
oh dear.
this sounds serious.
must be one of two things - money/career, or love.
am I on the right track?
I am one of those who would love to live in NYC. My little town is extremely different, and I love the excitement of New York. One day, I’ll join you there.
If you’re still there, that is…
November 11th, 2005 at 3:30 pm
you’ve dubbed yourself “thinking girl” for a reason–very perceptive comment…
i’m just mulling things over now. the start of winter always makes me pensive.
November 11th, 2005 at 3:41 pm
I think a lot depends on where you are considering moving to, and for what reasons. Try to make sure it is something you can live with (or at least not regret immediately!) and remember–nothing is permanent; you can always change your mind.
I moved to KY for love (HUGE sacrifice), but there are always unintended consequences. It’s a big decision. Think it through & follow your heart. (a little trite, but true)
P.S. “Belle in Birmingham” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, but we’d keep reading anyway
November 11th, 2005 at 4:01 pm
I know the exact same feeling of associating your life with where you are. In my case, Detroit sounds alot more big city and intimidating than Richmond, Virginia. *sigh*
It is an adjustment to go from big northern city to smaller southern city–but it can be done. You will have an adjustment period where you don’t think you will ever be happy again, because you miss the things you used to do–until one day, you stop missing what was, and you start living in the now.
Whatever the outcome, know that if you can go from the south and conquor the north, you can survive anywhere. Good luck.
November 11th, 2005 at 4:10 pm
This is a fun town. I would, however, recommend Bar Piti over Da Silvano. The food is better and its a fraction of the cost. Of course, Bar Piti is just not the same when its too cold to be outdoors.
New York is not for everyone, dear. Decide if its for you.
November 11th, 2005 at 4:11 pm
i can remember one sunday morning. I woke up early..after a creole dinner at a swanky resturant in uptown new orleans.
I believe it was around 8am..that was the time the dog was sitting in my room, tail wagging abruptly, and leash in mouth..as it was time to go to the park.
I was jogging with park with my dog, and watching the constant freaks on benches, and bums on sidewalks..it was so wonderful.
You see the city of New Orleans has so much culture, history, chaos, ..its unique..its like no other.
the whole city is “dog friendly” meaning any resturant with al fresco dining welcomes your pooch with a bowl of water at your fresh air dinner table.
Around 11 am my dog and i got in the car and headed over to the french quarter. AHH..he loved chasing the pigeons around the quarter, and that is where I would meet my girlfriends religiously on the weekends for brunch.
Sunday morning smells of the quarter were horrific..the stinch of vomit, and mixed drinks gone stale.
the smell of brothels.
But thats what made the city what it was. Thats what made me who I am.
My girlfriends and I would dream off of owning garden district homes, 2.5 kids, an ole southern attorney for a husband..and strolls down esplanade ave.
then came hurricane katrina.
Now, In Birmingham, AL. I love it.
It was hard when I first moved here. It took a while to find a job.
But now I realize that there was something behind me coming here…something pushing me here of a higher power.
just remember…you can always go back.
but you cant always take back…
so while you are young experience what you can..listen to that inner voice..he knows you better than you think.
November 11th, 2005 at 4:12 pm
dearest “stretch,” you would have approved…
it was me, “mimi,” “opinionista” and several neighbors at ‘da silvano’ for champagne and then ‘bar pitti’ for vongole, crostini and carciofi.
November 11th, 2005 at 4:47 pm
I understand the feeling…
November 11th, 2005 at 5:17 pm
Arent there 9 circles of Dantes hell? i just read that a week ago…
November 11th, 2005 at 5:20 pm
I get that feeling every winter here in Seattle.. when the rain just never stops.. ugh.. like right now.. depressing and I feel like I need a change.. something to kick me into gear.. that I’m stagnating. But when I talk to people.. they’re like, why would you leave? Isn’t it great here? And when I drive back from the south where mom’s house is.. or from the north where I visit friend in BC and I see that skyline.. I’m like.. ahh.. I’m home. And I know why I haven’t left.
November 11th, 2005 at 5:26 pm
I lived in NYC for two years and then moved back to the South. I realized that a huge part of what was keeping me there was how cool it sounded to say “I live in New York” and decided to build my life around things that mattered rather than my own ego. And I feel like that was the right decision.
Of course, now I’m thinking about moving back to NYC, but hopefully this time it will be for the right reasons, not egotistical ones.
Anyway the point is - I can relate.
November 11th, 2005 at 8:16 pm
I used to feel the same way about Los Angeles before I moved out here from little ole’ Boise, Idaho. But I’ve since discovered that the reasons why I love this city are not the same reasons that got me to move out here.
Like NYC, LA has got this image that comes out as soon as you hear the name. But the image only matters to people outside of the city. The people that live there know the reality of it. So if you want to live in a city with a name and image that impresses others, stay where you’re at. But if it makes you happy to be somewhere else, well, image ain’t everything.
November 11th, 2005 at 8:40 pm
Haven’t been brave enough to venture the short distance. I’m sure I will soon.
In the end, it is not other people’s feelings about the city that will keep you there. Only yours matter.
November 12th, 2005 at 6:07 am
You strike me as a very brave woman and I have no doubt that you will bloom where ever you are planted. If your heart and your happiness lead you elsewhere, I say follow it. I’m following my bliss and suddenly the world is full of potential.
But you also say the winter is making you pensive. I remember that I used to start getting bored with my life and frustrated that things weren’t changing as quickly or in the way I had hoped. I thought the solution was to shake things up in a big way by changing jobs, moving to a new place, shaving my head or doing something equally drastic. Later the same problems just came back to haunt me.
Whatever you decided to do, make sure it’s a solution and not just an escape or excuse to avoid making a decision. You only delay the inevitable.
I think you probably already know the answer that’s right for you. It’s just the next step that’s a little scary.
November 12th, 2005 at 6:28 am
Dear Belle … As someone who is leaving NYC in just six days for life in another country, aftr living in Manhattan most of my life, your post rings deeply true … I’ve eaten many meals in Da Silvano, just a short walk from my apartment … Good luck in your choice … I’ll be checking back.
November 12th, 2005 at 8:47 am
You could always come back if you don’t like it there. Wherever there is.
There’s love and there’s love.
November 12th, 2005 at 10:14 am
Oh so true. I came in 1995 from Jacksonville, FL… have thought of returning many times for all the same reasons. Yet I stay. This city is addicting and it’s the “city you love to hate” but it becomes home more quickly than a New York minute. Hang in there…
November 12th, 2005 at 10:30 am
well, Belle, best of luck to you. I think you know you have to make a decision based on your heart and not anyone else’s dream for you. I think World Traveller is right - you already know what you have to do. You can’t falter now - your path is already laid before your feet. We will wait with baited breath to see what you decide…
November 12th, 2005 at 9:12 pm
This post has been removed by the author.
November 13th, 2005 at 2:32 pm
Writing from my exile in a city on the flumen rubrum, I think of how the most cultured of the ancient Greek city states were a fraction of the size of this burg. Lethargy and Distraction, opposite twins working to the same purpose, haunt the corners of all towns.
November 16th, 2005 at 9:59 am
Don’t go back to Alabama, you will be so bored!
November 18th, 2005 at 5:06 pm
I’ve had many a relative, or friend contemplate this very thing, Joyce wrote in “Dubliners” - “…I wanted real adventures to happen to myself. But real adventures, I reflected, do not happen to people who remain at home: they must be sought abroad.” As a Belle in the Big Apple, I think NYC constitutes “abroad.”
December 4th, 2005 at 1:03 pm
Birmingham’s my hometown. I love it and think it a friendly, pretty city with decent nightlife. I’d pick it over Duluth or even Atlanta any day. For now I chose to live in Chicago because I want to experience some variety, but Birmingham’s never off my list.
I’m jealous of your nightlife, belle. You induced a look of wonderment and envy from me. I think some of that comes from the wealth that’s necessary to have that kind of lifestyle in NYC. It seems like a wholly different world to me.
March 20th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
You capture your ‘love of New York’ vs. the ‘love of a man’ well. I recently had to choose between my love of NYC and my job. I thought all the same things. How could any place compare to NYC?
Congratulations on your deal. You give hope to those of us who have only recently returned to writing.