Freud and the Food Network
“What do women want?” Charlie asks me on the phone through a mouthful of shrimp Po-boy.
His question is a cliché, so why do I feel compelled to answer him? It must be his tone—it’s equal parts sweetness, anxiety and curiosity. (Then again, maybe it’s his charming Birmingham accent—when he talks it’s all vowels and minted iced tea). The boy needs something.
I’m a little disappointed that I respond with such standard fare as, “We want a lot of things—everything, really. Love, friendship, intelligent conversation, café au lait and brioche in bed, diamonds on every major federal holiday and anniversary…”
I hang up.
I drool over Adrien Grenier in “Entourage.”
I have the one glass of wine allotted to me during my ten days of antibiotics.
I switch the channel to Emeril Lagasse on the ‘Food Network.’
I start to cry.
Are steak au poivre and shoes string potatoes really that moving? No, of course not. But, he’s so damned patient deglazing the pan…adding Dijon mustard… pouring the most delicate touch of cream. His spoon patiently circles the sautee pan… Is something sticking to the copper bottom? Emeril’s brow furrows, the nose quivers, the eyes grow concerned, the big mouth turns downward and hopes that everything will go smoothly.
I need Emeril. Emeril would tend to me, take care of me, protect me. Forever.
PROTECTION, SECURITY—this is the stripped-down answer (or, some version, thereof) of every woman North or South of the Mason-Dixon, East or West of the Mississippi. Freud, this is what women want.
I’ve watched the Food Network more this past week while being sick (with no appetite) than I have in my entire life. I go to the website. I think of ways to be a phone-in guest on “Sarah’s Secrets.” Really, though, I only pay attention when the hosts are male. Somehow, they’re caring for me. They’re gentle. Their kitchens are warm.
I’ll go to bed a little happier tonight—feeling a bit more safe–because Emeril taught us how to make challah. He kneaded the dough like I need someone to massage my aching back. He draped a dry, warm cloth over the yeasty mass so it would grow. He told us all that patience and a little love would make everything turn out beautifully.
Charlie? Are you reading? This is my answer. This is what I should have told you on the phone.
August 29th, 2005 at 8:26 am
the problem, dear Belle, is that not only is the question cliche, but so is the response. the whole love, friendship, et al is usually attached to something along the lines of ‘i just want someone nice, cute, blah, blah, blah.’ ‘PROTECTION, SECURITY’ is much more definitionally specific. however, ‘patience and a little love…’ is personally nebulous. ‘what women want’ is defined by the woman adjusted by each situation. i’m sure you have been offered your definitional ‘wants’ in the past, or certainly the opportunity for them. yet you are a cuspy feminine failure, at least according to your grandfather. ‘what women want’ is easy to demarcate, yet difficult to execute because it’s dynamic, changing, and as the saying goes ‘…in the eye of the beholder’.
August 29th, 2005 at 1:00 pm
Protection, security … and not to forget sincerity!
August 30th, 2005 at 12:00 pm
i think you’re weird, crying over emerill? are you on antibiotics or narcotics?
September 1st, 2005 at 4:41 pm
Belle, that answer is worth thinking about some more. In my view, you are clearly right at some emotional level. The problem is that it can be dangerous for a longterm relationship to be built on that premise. There are lots of guys (like me) with a weakness for wanting to be the white knight. But such relationships can have an inherent inequality that limits their development over time. You need to protect and secure each other, emotionally at least. I admire your self-honesty and your bravery in tackling these questions.
September 14th, 2005 at 8:33 pm
Really lovely.
Protection.
Security.
Sincerity.
Might I add ‘love’ to the list? That fearful, naked, determined act of wanting someone else’s best interests irregardless of how we are apt to benefit or lose from the deal.
September 15th, 2005 at 7:16 am
Can I say that you are absolutely FABULOUS? I love the way you express your feelings, and throu those really cool words… And you are lucky to be living it out in the Big Apple.. (:
September 15th, 2005 at 10:23 am
I have had similar experiences with the gentlemen of the Food Network. Put beautifully, and quite moving.
And, here, I thought I was the only one shedding tears over chef metaphors for love…it’s not about the food, it’s “Chocolat”. And, personally, I favor Tyler Florence, but Emeril will always have a special place in my heart.